fear of failure

This morning Z was practicing her song for the talent show. She was trying to sing to the music on karaoke and in certain areas she would either go too slow or too fast. Soon she was getting frustrated and teary eyed.

Z is used to getting things right quickly. Sometimes when she doesn't get things right quickly she feels like giving up. She doesn't believe in herself at that moment. She should.

This is a big hurdle in Z's way. So far I have always been there for her and I have given her a boost up. But today I realized that Z really needs to find the strength in herself and I have to figure out how to help her find it. That means she needs to have more practice failing. She might need to do some bibliotherapy. She needs to learn this life lesson. It is a very important one. If she lets little hurdles turn her away from what she wants to do then she won't get very far in life.

I see that my job as a parent is to help hone my child's intellect and willpower so she can face and triumph over her weaknesses and find the courage to use her strengths.

I don't think it helps my child to shield her from her weaknesses. I have heard many parents say "It is hard for my child to do this. So I don't make him."

But I ask myself why is it hard for my child? Is it something she could overcome through the virtues of hardwork and diligence? Would her life be better off if she had some power over the weakness rather than it holding the power over her? Would she have a better understanding of herself and/or human nature if she confronted her weakness?

I have also seen parent's treat a child's strength like it doesn't matter. Some see a strength like nail head sticking out that needs to be pounded back in for the sake of confirmity. But everyone has a gift to bring to this world and, to me, it only makes sense to support the unique strengths of your child.

Don't be hard. Don't push. Don't turn her off. Have faith in her. Believe she can do it. Hold her hand and support her. That is my job.

You might think it is weird but I keep thinking of a quote from the Rocky movie I just saw.

Rocky Balboa: The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!