I had so many interesting interactions with friends at Park Day today.
I have had people accuse me of being "cold and aloof" before. I was surprised because that is really not where I am coming from.
Today I had a friend psychoanalyze me and tell me that I do seem to have a "wall up." Again I was mildly surprised. She said part of it is that I don't ever ask for favors or for help. She said that it is asking for help, not offering it that draws people to a person. I had never thought of that. For therapy she suggested I go a month being a totally boggart and asking people to share there food with me or to buy me stuff. LOL! I can't even imagine doing that!
But I am going to do an experiment and try to ask people for help more. It reminded me that back in my college days I had a big fight with my boyfriend and I ended up calling a friend and asking him to come over. Later he told me that he knew it must be serious because I never ask for help. Again, at that time I thought that was a strange observation. It wasn't like I was going out of my way to not ask for help. It just never really occured to me to do so. Do you think this has something to do with giftedness?
I do tend to like to handle things myself. But I guess it makes sense that friends like to be helpful so I should let them sometime.
I also had a conversation about women friends and chatting on the phone. I have lots of women friends but I never call any of them just to call and chat. Is that weird? I think I stopped doing that in high school. I do talk in person with them and (I think) I am forthcoming and intimate, but it rarely occurs to me to call any of them just to talk. Yet, if I call them for a reason I do end up talking about other things.
But the people I was talking to at the park said that most women do call their friends on an almost daily basis just to talk. There is yet another example that I am not doing the right things to make my friends feel needed.
I am not upset about getting this information. I find it somewhat interesting. I feel like I have a lot of good friends that care about me but sometimes I have wanted a closer relationship with them and now I have some ideas of things I could do if I want to develop something more.
I really appreciate having a friend who will tell me things like that. (I should probably tell her that. *wink*)
Other fun things was getting the soda machine man to give me two soda that normally cost $1.25 for $0.50 each. :) That was pretty cool.
I hosted a nature scavanger hunt for the Girl's Club.
I gave career and life advice to a college student.
I also got to talk about Shakespeare and Shakespearean English, Greek names and the Odyssey, the letter C (who needs it?) and phonics, the legalization of drugs, global warming, widescreen vs fullscreen (widescreen, definitely widescreen), and, of course, parenting.
I love having conversations and I get a lot it in at my homeschooling park day and that is why I love it.
Oh yeah, Zoe had a good time too. *wink*
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5 comments:
As a younger person I once had a therapist tell me try asking for help as an experiment, because I never ask for help.
I think your friend's general observation is true, whether or not it applies to you. People love to offer help.
I've spent 37 years trying to look competent so people will like me, and it turns out that people like you best when you can't do it all and you need some help! ;)
Is that a gifted thing -- seems possible!
Hi Shaun,
Do you feel like you were purposefully not asking for help?
In my case it is part natural inclination to do things myself and part not wanting to impose on people.
FWIW, I am completely the same way - I hate to ask for help. I like to do things for myself. It makes me feel confident and competent.
A couple of years ago, I had a family situation where I just really NEEDED help with K - I needed babysitters desperately so I could deal with my mother, and my therapist, and my work, etc. I was absolutely forced to ask for help, and it turned out that people wanted to help me, and they wanted nothing in return. I felt very, VERY loved. I became closer to those whom I asked for help than to any other friends I'd had.
But I still don't call them on the phone just to chat ;-) I stopped that in high school, too!
Who knew? I loathe to ask for help. I will have to experiment with it. Talking on the phone and such might be an element of a temperament trait. I have no inclination to talk on the phone with my friends. I do feel I have a couple good friends that would drop everything for me but we don't talk everyday. Sometimes only talk once every couple of weeks. Hmmm. You have offered some interesting observations. I too would like to have more and more meaningful friendships.
I am envious of your Park Day. My only opportunity for Park Day is a homeschool group where you need to sign a statement of faith. I am sad that we don't have an option.
Keep writing about the topic of friendship. I am realizing that we model friendship behavior for our children. No pressure there!
I don't think I consciously avoided asking for help, it's was, and is, my natural tendency. But we've had some major family crises in the last few years (including a fire), so I've learned a lot about asking for and accepting help.
After the fire I had two friends who kept telling me that I had to stop working, volunteering, etc., as if I were not living in a hotel with 4 shirts to my name. I look back on that time now and I think, "Why did I keep doing all that stuff?" But at the time it seemed like the normal thing to do.
But getting so much help then was a wonderful experience.
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