I saw a program about this boy last week. Akrit is a 12 year old gifted boy from India who feels he will cure cancer. The show was very interesting but also quite disturbing.
I think parents should support their child's dreams even if they are big dreams but the parents need to be careful not to give the child the idea that those dreams will, or must, be realized.
This parent trap happens all the time and is not confined to the parents of high ability or high performing kids. There are mothers who are not going to happy until their daughter marries a rich doctor or lawyer and fathers who expect their sons to go into the family business. These expectations can and do tear some families apart.
When you have a gifted/talented child the pressures of expectation can come from all sides. I suppose it can be easy for family and friends to get caught up in the excitment of a science prodigy who dreams of finding the cure for cancer. Or for a parent and coach to see the "big time" ahead in a talented pee-wee piano player and start pushing for hours of practice everyday. Parents of these kids have to walk a fine line between support and pushing.
I read some great advice once that said "You can't want it more than they do." But it is harder than that of course. Kids are very perceptive and many feel they must meet their parent's expectations, even if they are not voiced as such.
A couple weeks ago I had a talk with Z about this. It occurred to me that I need to remind Z often that she doesn't have to continue to play piano (or act or whatever.) I was surprised to find out that Z thought that her taking piano was my idea! She started about a year and a half ago and apparently she had forgotten that she had asked for lessons and started trying to teach herself before I found a teacher who would take a 4 1/2 year old student. I reminded her that piano was something she wanted to do but not something that she was committed to for the rest of her life. I asked her if she wanted to stop taking piano and she thought about it for a pretty long time and finally decided that she still really wanted to keep taking lessons.
That made me realize though that I need to constantly assure Z of what are and what are not my expectations of her. At this point I have no expectations of her "future" career, she might be anything, including a stay at home mom. I want to give her lots of options while still giving time to the specific areas that she has already developed a passion for.
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I watched this show, too, and found it really disturbing :-( I think the father was clearly expecting too much, and Akrit thought he needed to perform to be loved. Horrible! Children need unconditional love, and I don't think Akrit has it. I was also really disturbed by the people from the community - comparing him to Krishna and believing his abilities are divine. That is a LOT for a 12 year old to live up to.
I often remind K that ice skating is her choice, as you remind Z that piano is hers. At the same time, I think they need our direction to reach their goals. I think sometimes K interprets that as pushing. I haven't figured out how to deal with that :-( For example, to be in a particular level of ice skating, K has to master 8 moves. She only thinks 7 are fun ;-) So I remind her to do the 8th when she goes skating. Sometimes she gets upset, and I just try to remind her that SHE set the goal of getting to the next level, and I'm just reminding her of how she can get there. I will love her just the same if she stays in her current level forever! Do you experience anything like that with Z and piano?
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