for some reason my post Sunday about Z's piano recital never came through. Here it is
Today was Z's piano recital.
She has been practicing her two songs a lot this past week and for some reason she was having trouble with the easier song. She has known that song for the longest too and when she first learned it she played it very well. That might be why her teacher wanted her to play it at the recital.
This morning she almost cried because she was getting very frustrated with the mistakes she kept making. I talked with her alot about how we all make mistakes, I gave her examples of my past mistakes when I was doing musical theatre. I talked about about other types of people and professions (sports, inventing) where people make mistakes.
I said that the recital was not the end all be all of being a musician and that it was just something her teacher felt would be a good experience for her. I talked her though it.
Then the time came and she played really well although she wasn't smiling and looked furiously serious.
Then her songs were over she was supposed to bring her footstool back to her seat (like we had practiced) and she forgot and a teacher asked her to go back up and get it. She was so mortified and was about to cry over this little mistake. What made it worse was that people in the audience chuckled at her reaction. They thought it was "cute" that this little five year old looked so embarrassed.
I could see her sitting in the seat and for the whole rest of the program she was making upset faces to herself.
When the recital was over I went to her and gave her a big hug and told her she was great and she said "yeah but I forgot my stool!"
*sigh*
Where did I go wrong? I feel like I have messed up, as a parent, that she was so dejected over a tiny mistake., I mean it wasn't really even a mistake! But she was also really afraid of making a mistake in her song.
She has been this way for a long time. When she was 3 1/2 she was in karate and they used to play dodge ball and Z was really good at it. In a class of about 15 kids she would win about 1/4 of the time. But even when she won they would keep playing till they got her out and then she would _still_ cry.
She also will always volunteers to be "it" during tag games at the park. Because she hates to be caught.
*big sigh*
I don't know what to do about this.
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4 comments:
OMG - K and Z are twins separated at birth! lol Seriously, K would have had the exact same reaction to the stool thing. When she was 3 1/2, she started writing little "books" and then would ask me how to spell something. If it was different from what she wrote, she would furiously rip her book to shreds! And for a long time she has thought that people are laughing at her for any number of reasons. Sometimes it is true, sometimes it is not, but she perceives it that way anyway. I can't explain it... it worries me too... but I'm kinda happy to hear we aren't alone :-)
I do sympathise. I have raised two extremely gifted children, both of whom have maintained their giftedness into young adulthood. To some extent I believe that high intelligence MEANS a higher self-awareness and self-criticism, so no escaping it entirely. However, I will say this: with my elder child, I was concerned that she should always be 'stretched' and achieving the high standards I knew she was capable of. She is to this day quite an anxious and self-critical person. I had learned a thing or two when my younger daughter arrived, and was much more laid-back, realising, that there was not so much need to 'stretch' her as I had thought - that to an extent gifted children stretch themselves in most academic areas (one exception to this is music, where to achieve high proficiency regular practice and extension must be done from an early age.) The younger daughter not only achieved as much or more (she is nationally outstanding academically) despite me basically 'leaving her to it' but she is also much more relaxed and MUCH more confident. You are doing the right things in offering a range of stimulating life experiences and LOTS of books, so maybe ease off a little on 'formal' work - your gifted daughter will get there anyway and naturally find her own level (I wouldn't have believed this myself at one time, so I don't blame you if you find it hard to do.)
Good luck with Z - she is amazing and very cute too!
(Teresa - from the UK)
Hi Therese
I appreciate your wisdom. It is nice to hear how well your second daughter is doing.
I think your advice is solid and I will look at my own actions to see if I am expecting too much from Z. I think there are some areas I could change.
But I have had people assuming that I am pushing Z into formal work before. I understand and I don't blame them. It can be hard to imagine a kid would want to do all this.
I remember when she was 2 1/2 and insisting that she do math for 30+ minutes after breakfast. I would have to make her stop.
Then she would insist that I read to her in Spanish and teach her how. Then she would bring me book after book after book, climbing up on my lap and have me read to her until my voice was getting hoarse.
Of course this only took up a small part of the day and the rest of the time she colored or we went to the beach (we used to live across the street from the beach) or we played with friends. For awhile all she wanted to do was play card games - like SET. LOL
These days she has three days a week where we homeschool before lunch. Yesterday when she finished her math pages she sang a song to me about how she wanted more math. For Japanese her lesson was to actually sing a song on the karaoke machine.
Then she wanted to do more journaling. Then she didn't want to stop our geography project to go to the store but I explained the need to have something to eat for dinner beside hot dogs and she acquiesced.
This is what living with Z has been like since she was 2 1/2 years old. (before that I can't remember exactly. I was sleep deprived.)
I used to have to make her have down time. I remember when she was four she said "I hate free time!" But now she actually values it, and spends a lot of time playing imaginary games or being with her friends in the afternoon. Although sometimes she still tries to turn it into some kind of learning experience. Like before we went to France she was choosing to read her French dictionaries during her free time.
So, the reason I am explaining all this is, while there are probably some places where I expect too much from Z, and I will be on the look out for how that it affect her, the "formal" work is what Z really enjoys. And it is not every day all day but 3 days a week or about 4 hours a day.
Jaime
Yeah that does make me feel a little better. The night of the recital I was trying to convince myself this is all my fault. Because if it was a reaction to something I was doing I could change and fix it.
But, I am sad to say, that if I am part of the problem it is only a small part and much of it stems from Z herself. :(
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