piano epiphany

Today I had an epiphany regarding the stress I am feeling over Z’s piano lessons.

Z’s recital is this Sunday and she has not only been practicing her recitals songs 5 – 10 or even more times a day but has extra recital practice lessons four Saturdays in a row.

I remember that not long after Z started taking piano lessons her teacher said that she could be playing like the little Asian boy we saw at the recital who just blew me away, IF we made her practice for an hour a day.

I chuckled when she said that and I said that I definitely didn’t want Z to practice that much.

But here we are, less than a year later and Z is often practicing an hour a day.

Today Z was playing her recital piece for her teacher, a pretty hard children’s version of Ode to Joy, and I felt like the teacher should have been impressed that Z could play it at all. But there was just more to perfect. “This part need to be more legato, that part needed to be more forte, this part needs to be a march and remember than in 4/4 time the emphasis needs to be on the 1st note and the 3rd.”

I started to feel bad. Z has been working so hard on her pieces for the recital and so have I. I sit there with her and listen to every song and remind her what she needs to work on. I try to motivate Z, which I think, at her age is necessary.

My whole life I always hated to disappoint anyone. That is a problem I know. I don’t always have the energy to come across “perfectly” and sometimes I have too much energy and that doesn’t work out either.

Today at Z’s piano lesson I felt like Z disappointed her teacher and it hurt. Not with the songs, I think we both know that what Z is doing is pretty remarkable. But the attention and focus she wants from Z is probably too much. I am not sure where the teacher is coming from. Perhaps she has a lot invested in Z and really wants Z to keep up this fast progression. Or maybe this is how she is with all the kids , always asking for more (actually I wouldn’t feel so bad about that). Maybe that is her method and my problem is that I never want Z to disappoint her.

But, like I said, today I had an epiphany. I decided that I am not going to let it bother me. Z will practice for her alloted time and then whatever she produces is what she produces. If she is not the prodigy that her teacher is looking or (if that is even the case, I am not sure) then “Oh Well". I really don’t care. For me it had never been about Z being a prodigy. I would just stress if Z didn’t meet her teacher’s expectations. But that is not good for Z. And I still trust that her teacher doesn’t want that either.