feeling guilty

So I have been reading this book about Communist China from the 1930's on. It is really depressing and disturbing but really good too.

One thing that has been brought up a number of times in the book is how, under the communist regime, there was really no "consumer culture." People didn't just go out and buy stuff just to have it. You didn't have fifteen pairs of high heels. Even thinking about wanting something like that could get you into trouble because there were peasants out there who had to make their own shoes or who wore none at all.

This is not to say I agree with communism in any way, I certainly don't. But I am moving this week and bringing over all my shoes (twenty two pairs) and three huge boxes of bathroom stuff (Just how many bottles of moisturizer and special shampoos do I need?!) and other sundry and unnecessary items has made me feel very guilty.

We (I mean my family) have so much and there are many families who are barely getting by.

I was wondering if there was a way I could trade many of the things I don't want anymore for things that I need for our new place. For example, the shelves that hold our cds and dvds don't have a space in our new place. I need something smaller. I was thinking it would be cool if I could trade mine to a place and find something that worked better for me. (I know all about e-bay of course and I may end up selling a lot of our stuff that is still in good condition there.)

But then I was thinking that I really should donate a lot. I mean, we are not rich and it is a hardship for us to have to buy big items. And it would be more financially responsible for me to sell or consign what I can. But there are many things that I don't need that someone else could use. (Why do I have two ice cream scoops and two garlic presses!)

On my drive back from Reno in July I had an epiphany. I realized that consumerism/advertising is a trap that keeps us from ever finding out what we really want/need. We are bombarded with images and ideas that tell us that to be a certain kind of person you have to own certain things. But owning things do not make you are certain kind of person.

How you behave and how you live your life is the person you are. If you spend a large portion of your life shopping for a "life" then you are wasting it.

I am not saying we should live like monks or communists. I believe we can have more than we need. For example, sleeping comfortably is important to you then by all mean, go ahead and splurge on a comfy bed. But I think we should be more aware what we are trying to accomplish by owning so much.

Many times we are trying to buy an image but we don't live in images. And I think there is a great dissatisfaction trying to buy the life you want rather than living it. Like buying a membership at the gym or some new workout clothes it gives the the image of a person who is going to get in shape - but many people never follow through. People who wish they were the type of person who cooked might buy some expensive cooking equipment, but still eat take-out or prepared food 5 nights a week.

People have less time to DO the things they want becasue they are working so much to pay for the stuff that they bought, stuff that doesn't really add to their lives.
*sigh*

okay, I don't have time to write anymore. I need to bring more of my stuff over to my new apartment.