What do you mean?

As I stood there at the funeral, listening to the Rabbi speak of what a wonderful man Z's Great-Grandpere was, I found my self searching for a meaning. As his body was being put into the dirt I did hope, for his sake, that there is an afterlife. But I also thought that even if there is nothing, there is at least, and at last, peace.

It is so sad to see someone's life come to an end. I tried not to cry too much and I tried to comfort my husband and I tried to find some meaning. What can I learn from this? What universal truth about human nature can I take away from this experience?

I am sure it is very common for people to look for meaning at a time like this. But, to be honest, I am always looking for it and I find it everywhere.

I am looking for meaning in the attitude of my pharmacist, in the impatience of the woman behind me in line, in the rudeness of the young males at the mall, and the loneliness of the senior citizens sitting alone at the coffee shop. In every interesting interaction I have, and I can find very minor things interesting, in every story someone tells me, even in the gestures of strangers I find myself trying to fill in a pattern. Who are we, why do we do the things we do, what do we mean?

What I saw at the funeral was that Great-Grandpere was an intelligent, charming, cultured man with a great sense of humor and that he was loved and admired by many people. And as he was lowered into the earth the knowledge that we will all share this fate filled me and I felt cold and crushed and powerless but also freed by this inevitability.